I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
