UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
