You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
