remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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