Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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