and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize