this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
