I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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