Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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