but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it hurts more in the daytime
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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