I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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