you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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