He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am midnight drunk by noon
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
