Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
