All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
