Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
