i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
