I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
