you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
