Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
