just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
