Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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