R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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