Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
