Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
