I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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