i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
