I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
