Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
