bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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