You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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