There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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