I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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