You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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