i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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