i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
