States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
