Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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