So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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