You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
