is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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