It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
