Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
