3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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