I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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