Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
