It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
