Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
