I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
