its not stalking. its research.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
