You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
