I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
As shirtless as possible
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
