i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
