everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
