I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
