I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
