who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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