I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you would pick up someone in the library
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
