i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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