Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
