ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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