Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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