WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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