Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
