I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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