the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You're a waste of cheezeits
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize