i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
