omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize