I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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