It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
