For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
