Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
