Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
