Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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