So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
