That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize