i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
