I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
