is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize