I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
