Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You're a waste of cheezeits
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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